im frustrated
everything is just not going the direction i want them to be.
my faith in Him grows weak day by day, my family continues to break apart with each passing minute despite my efforts , i have completely no interest in studies now, frens turn against me, i worry for many, im starting to lose sight of my values etc etc ETC.
argh -.-
the hatred held against me, the anger dwelling inside me.
wad on earth is going on?

and i just threw jovi's soft toy away from him.
somehow i start to wonder whether or not im sufferring from some mental illness =_=
symptoms of depression? lols
there are just too many things to handle.
it is just soooooo...debilitating.

O lvls are coming up and im still idling my time away.
there is just no drive for me to press on and more demoralising incidents are sure to come.
ive completely nothing to shield myself from these setbacks
ive no army, no armour, no weapons
nothing
all i have is my physical vulnerable body and frail mental strength
i forget my values, i lose control over my mind and worse of all i lose the discipline.
im clambering abv the level of breaking down as my strength and will to strive on are slowly depleting.
*sigh*

one of my biggest worry for those i know, is the strength of their fighting spirit.
their will to change, their discipline for self-control and to noe where to draw the line.
even despite noeing tt it is not right to commit such an act, carrying them out seems almost inevitable to them.
the nice and sweet ppl i knew had grown into someone i have no recognition of.
some slowly and easily leading themselves to oblivion, despite the many pleas tt had fallen on deaf ears.
by my silence, it nv meant tt i condoned to such behaviour.
by my silence, i trusted for ur discipline and initiative to do something about it.
why be so vulnerable?
why be a slave to this world?
why be lazy?
why be self-centered?
why bluff urself?
why do u even do them when the repercussions can be horrifying?
assumptions will only remain as assumptions until someone clears them all
its ok to hate me as long as u realize the truth.
its ok to find me annoying as long as u noe the purpose of my actions.
i will take everything in my stride

every single ounce of strength i have left no matter how weak or how fragile, i'll retaliate, i'll fight back.
and i have no idea wad im talking abt.
we fight our problems everyday and it doesnt hurt anyone to let it all out once in awhile, right?
Trust Him, Clarice.

Everyone's worried , including those hu are not realli close to u.
Get your priorities right.
the little actions done can make a great impact not onli on u, but others as well.
uve everything to lose by doin absolutely nothing
but uve nth to lose by doin somethin abt it.
Come on.
Make a difference in ur life.
lead and manage it, together with God.